The Lame Para vs. Quad Debacle

In all my years as a member of the gimp community, one of the most ridiculous things I’ve come across is the way some paras and quads polarize their para or quadness, and form little lame ass gangs where they exhalt the characteristics of their injuries.

For the life of me I could never figure this out. Are they so insecure that the only way they can feel better about themselves is so talk themselves into believing they’re somehow superior than the other half of the SCI population? I just don’t get it.

And I know that a lot of quads, no matter their level, are bitter towards paras; jealous mainly of “how they got it so much easier/better.” I’m sorry, I don’t care what type of SCI someone has, but we’re all screwed, paras and quads combined. We’ve all lost a tremendous amout of ability whether we have a C2 or a L1 break, and it’s the pits no matter how you look at it….

So let’s stop the gimp-on-gimp hate okay? It’s pointless and really fucking stupid.

– Tiff

Release Your Inner-Girly Girl

Channel Mariah Carey from Cribs (remember her extensive pink babydoll collection in her NYC condo? Crazy, yet impressive…), and head on down to Target for…

Tiff’s Target Buy of the Week! (a new weekly blog series)

This week I’m featuring the new line of babydolls by Gillian & O’Malley, which Target is selling for V-Day. I came across this “Young Pink” chiffon babydoll for $19.99 yesterday afternoon, and my inner-girly girl nearly peed her pants. For shiz.

Impulse-buy forthwith!

So of course, I wore it to bed last night and was even MORE pleased with it. Why? It fit my fake boobs (yes, I have implants) like a glove! And let me say right now, that that’s not an easy task….

With the light-as-air like pink chiffon ruffles sitting on my lap like a perfectly frosted cake, and the tiny pink bows pressed up against my bosom like a festoon of hungry leeches….it felt like it was custom-made (did I mention it comes with a matching pink chiffon thong?!). I felt like Marie Antoinette at her most decadent.

I bought a small. Sometimes tight ‘n snug is a million times better than roomy. And I think most straight men would agree 😉

– Tiff

Words You Should Know

Filed under: Funny Sh#t, Wheelchair Life — Tiffiny @ 3:32 pm

Here’s how you say “wheelchair” in a few different languages:

Fauteuil Roulant (French)

Sillon de Ruedas (Spanish)

Rollstuhl (German)

Rolstoel (Dutch)

Sedia a Rotelle (Italian)

Kurumaisu (Japanese)

And on the same token, if you use a wheelchair, knowing how to say “Fuck you” in a few different languages should also prove useful:

Va te faire toutre (French)

Jodete (Spanish)

– Fick dich (German)

Kutding (Dutch)

Vaffanculo (Italian)

Mechi Baka (Japanese)

Happy swearing wheelchair people!

– Tiff

What’s Pissing Me Off

Ignorant men who stereotype women in wheelchairs.

You see, I ran across a lame ass blog today written by an even bigger lame ass, who joked about how he’s always wanted to date a woman in a wheelchair. Read on:

I’d love to date a girl in a wheelchair. I could just sit on her lap and have her push us both around…it’s not like she couldn’t handle the weight of me sitting on her because her legs probably lack the ability to feel. And as she pushes me around on her lap, I’d go ‘WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!’

Also if I slept with her, she wouldn’t feel it anyway, so less effort. Lastly, it’s always been a dream of mine to nickname a girlfriend ‘Wheels.’ These are the things that are important to me.”

First of all, what a fucktard.

He has no idea what size queens women with spinal cord injuries really are. In fact, we need our partners to try harder than they would with able-bodied women so we can actually reach orgasm (which btw, is a million times harder with decreased sensation).

So to the guy with the fucking annoying blog: WE CAN STILL GET OFF FROM OUR G-SPOTS IDIOT! No lazy nights of beer drinking and Playstation 2 for you.

You gotta be on your A-Game, little man. You’re gonna need all the effort in the world to satisfy this chica 😉 And scrub my wheels while you’re at it…

– Tiff

Remembering the “Shot”

It’s been years now since this revolutionary modeling agency closed it’s doors, but it still comes to my mind every once in awhile and is definitely worth blogging about. It was called the Shot (founded by Curtis Funn and Thom Gilbert) and I’d direct you to their website if I could, but it’s no longer available. This modeling agency solely had disabled models on their rooster (27 in total), ranging from people with SCI (mainly paras) to amputees. They were a breath of fresh air in the modeling world to be sure.

The New York Times even did an expansive article on the agency way back in 1997 when they first opened their doors: Models With the Ability Break Down Barriers. Paralympians like Chris Waddell and Allison Pittman were some of their notable models, as well as para and soap star from “Port Charles,” Mitch Longley (that’s him in the Ralph Lauren ad above), to amputee Ivy Gunter.

The reason as to why the agency closed was never revealed (to my knowledge at least), but one has to guess it was due to money issues, which likely stemmed from not getting enough bookings. I wonder…if an agency like this opened again in 2008, do you think it would it have a better chance at surviving? Any thoughts on how the mainstream media has gotten better or worse regarding it’s open-mindedness to disability?

– Tiff

Tiff’s Target Buy of the Week: Lindt Chocolates

Lindt’s Petit Desserts for $7.99!

Target is selling the exact same box that’s offered on Lindt’s website for less than half the price ($7.99 vs $20.00). This is a deal that no chochoholic can ignore.

The box has these awesome little “faux” desserts, with everything from lemon tarts and creme brulees to tiramisus and macaroons; a seriously wicked box of chocolates.

Wheelchair life getting you down? Pissed that Britney is such a waste of space? Stressed about Barack’s chances?

Eat a Petit Dessert chocolate. It’ll help. I promise.

– Tiff

Grey Eyeshadow and Pink Lips

This was a weekend kingmaker the all of the cabin-fever inducing, stay-inside-or-you’ll-die, weekends. It lingered around -10 – -20 degrees here all weekend, and I wasn’t about to go outside and suffer; no matter how badly I wanted that Cinnabon from the mall. So instead, my boy and I hunkered down and watched two seasons of “24,” and then went off and watched our own programs in separate rooms. What can I say? My boyfriend isn’t always going to like to watch what I like. Case in point: The Girls Next Door.

I find Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends mildly entertaining, but sometimes the show just sucks you in so badly you can’t look away. I may not understand all of the babble that’s coming out of their spoiled, living-in-a-bubble mouths, but they’re good for a decent laugh now and then.

I noticed an interesting beauty trend amongst the girls while watching the show on Saturday night, They had all changed their makeup colors (only a true girly-girl like yours truly would notice that) from a lot of taupes and browns to greys and pinks. And I loved it! Bridgette (the eldest of the trio at age 32) looked the best in the new look, wearing a silvery grey eyeshadow along with a bright bubble gum pink lipstick. It was so complimentary to her bleached blonde hair. A great idea!

Now if you haven’t noticed, I too have bleached blonde hair. I was blonde when I was born, but as I got into my late teens it turned an ugly dark blonde/red color that could only be likened to a kid mixing a bunch a paints together in art class. Truly vomit inducing. So today, per my Girls Next Door inspiration, I copied their makeup look. So, what do you think?

“Angels Without Wings”

This has been known for awhile now, but for those of you not as fully into the know as everyone else, a really interesting/beautiful/controversial calendar called, Angels Without Wings, was published a couple of years ago by Italian photographer Gianfranco Angelico Benevunto. It features 12 photos of scantily clad/nude women in wheelchairs.Now, some of you may be wondering why? What’s the purpose? And to be honest, it’s in the eye of the beholder. Some of the images may be percieved as controversial, others may find them sexy, and there are others who may even find them absurd. I don’t know about you, but if someone wrapped-up my sexy nekkid bod in Saran Wrap and put Skittles in my wheels, then took a pic, I’d consider it art!

Check of the link above to form your own opinion! Ciao, chow my lovies

The Scarf

Who’s the wheelchair-girl that’s constantly reminding all the other wheelchair-girls out there the neverending importance of accessories in our wardrobe? That’s right. That would be me 🙂 And today, in early January, it’s a perfect time to remind all of you the current trendiness and ease that is the Pashmina scarf (yes it’s back). But BEWARE, it’s only IN right if it’s tied in a very specific way (see image to the left. Image courtesy of Esprit).

Now, I’m no knot-expert by any means, but I’m seeing fashionistas everywhere donning these things. And it dawned on me the other day what an easy add-on this would be, and look great while you’re at it, for women in wheelchairs to utilize. So go out and buy yourself a brand new brightly-colored thin Pashmina to add to your Winter/Spring wardrobe this year. You’ll be glad you so, especially on your laundry days 🙂

– Tiff

“Crappy” Food That Should Be Brought Back

Case in point Numero Uno: McDonald’s FRIED Apple Pie (and the Fried Cherry Pie, RIP).

Screw the wussy-girl Baked Apple Pie they’ve been pimping since 1992. I want me some fried tasty outer-shell, heart-attack inducing goodness. And why in the FRECK did such a genius corporation get rid of perhaps the best fast-food desert in the history of food in the first place? Was it to create easier prep or prevention of lawsuits due to magma-hot filling flying in your face?

Trans-fat/MSG being the reasons, I really don’t care…

Apparently (heard on the Internet grapevine), the tasty-schmasty fried apple pie can be found at McDonalds stores loacted in Walmarts (in various parts of the USA), and at overseas McDonalds in Australia, Lebanon, and other countries where apparently McDonald’s has deemed their tastebuds more worthy than mine/ours, whatever.

And hey, I’m not the only one who’s willing to picket outside the McDonald’s HQ in Oak Point, IL to get it brought back. Look at this guy’s website: McDonald’s Fried Apple Pie Loacator. And I thought I had an obsessive personality complex.

– Tiff