What’s In Your Wheelchair?

Admit it. We’ve all done it. After transferring into bed at night, you realize you’ve been rolling around all day with some embarrassingly bizarre object that has somehow  attached itself/instered itself into your chair.

It’s fess-up time, people. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found on your wheelchair, that either you unknowingly, or someone else, put there?

Here’s my list:

– Makeup pencil sharpener that hitched a ride on my footrests all day.

– Makeup brush that managed to fall alongside my ass on my seat cushion.

That’s where that went?!

– Beach sand from Sanibel Island in FLORIDA that was still in my wheelwell, discovered after I had been back at home in MN for 6 mos.

– French fries, popcorn, and other tasty food (no, I’m not saving it for later).

Your turn!

– Tiff

It Was Just a Matter of Time…

Wheelchair Bomber Kills 3 in Iraq Police Station

The bomb was hidden under his seat cushion, which security failed to check…obviously.

Great, thanks crippled (or fake crippled) terrorist-man. Now I’m going to have to endure an even more extensive & personalized search at airport security, thanks to your ANNOYING retarded terrorist ass.

The terrorists are getting desperate, that’s for sure. This is almost as bad as when a couple of weeks ago, two Iraqi women with Downs Syndrome were used as suicide bombers. This wheelchair bomber probably willingly killed himself though, unlike these poor ladies.

I always knew a wheelchair was a perfect place to hide a bomb. It’s funny it took terrorists almost 8 years to figure this little factoid out. Losers.

– Tiff

Proof We’re Surrounded By Idiots: Example #(are we counting anymore?)

More proof: Gas station pump accessibility buttons.

These little blue “I need help!” buttons were created by some clueless  government official over a decade ago. Gas stations across the country are required to have ’em. Nice idea in theory, except there’s one problem: THEY’RE USELESS.

Maybe if you’re Stretch Armstrong, these buttons are of some benefit, but for 99% of the human race, being able to reach these buttons from your vehicle is impossible. What were they thinking??

The whole pourpose of these buttons is to allow us gimpy folk to get our gas pumped without having to leave the comfort of our vehicles. But if you have to get out of your car/truck/van/whatever to hit the stupid button, then what’s the point?

Yes people, this is my rant of the week.

I’m a C6 quad and surprisingly, I can’t hit the button. But I know fully-functioning paras who still can’t reach these buttons. To solve this ridiculous predicament (how I long for the full-serve days!), I now keep the number of the gas station I frequent in my wallet, and after I pull up to the pump, I just call them and alert them that a person in a wheelchair is at pump <insert # here>, and within a few minutes they come out to pump my gas.

Has anyone figured out a better way to get gas? 

– Tiff

But I’m Not F$%#ing Thirsty Doc!

After you screw up your spinal cord, the usual M.O. your doctor will pound over your head is, TO DRINK MORE WATER.

Is it just me, or is this incessant push for me to drink nasty, blah-water hissy fit-inducing? For all these 14 years of my quad-dom, I have never learned to enjoy drinking water. I’m rarely, if ever thirsty, and only on special occassions (usually after a long, dry day at the Renaissance Faire), will the notion of a cool glass of water sound appealing.

This is where I say, “Thank you Jebus!” for Crystal Light flavor packets. These little babies came out last year, they’re sugar-free, and they can be added to a glass of water to mimick the best tasting juice ever, but the awesom part, it’s not juice. Bonus for my poor beat-up bladder.

You can find Crystal Light flavor packets at most grocery stores in the Kool-Aid or energy drink aisles. They run about $3.50 per 14-packet box.

Just stay away from the Tropical Punch flavor! Even though it’s amazing and by far their best flavor, if you spill it on your carpet, take it from me, you will never get it out.

– Tiff

UK Modeling Opp

If you’re a woman with a disability residing in the UK who’s been chomping at the bit to enter the world of modeling, this is your chance.

A new TV show on BBC THREE called Models Uncovered will be premiering later this year. “Models Uncovered is a new BBC THREE show where eight contestants live together in a fully accessible apartment, get fashion model training from the best in the business, and fight it out for the ultimate prize. The winner will be given their own photo spread in one of the country’s premier fashion magazines, and receive representation by a top agency.”

For more info visit the BBC Ouch! website.

– Tiff