Don’t. Touch. the. Joystick. (kid!)

Something must be said for the phenomena, the draw really, of kids towards the mighty joystick.

There’s something about the wheelchair joystick that just screams for kids to come and play with it. And I gotta say, as much as I love me a cute kid, having random, strange kids reach for my joystick unbeknownst to me and accidentally run themselves over IS NOT something I want.

Hey, I’m a poor writer. I can’t afford to be sued by some pissed-off parents. Screw you. It’s not my fault your kids can’t keep their little grubby hands to themselves.Even my 1 year old neice, who is barely aware of the world around her, hones in on my joystick like a tiger to raw steak. I can’t explain it. It’s seriously the weirdest thing ever.

Maybe it’s because my joystick is shaped like a huge, over-sized nipple, and subconsciously the kid is drawn to it just because she just wants to suck on it. Maybe that’s true for the younger kids (ha), but for the older kids, say…the 5 – 7 years olds (after 7 they usually know better), well, these kids just see my joystick as an opportunity to practice the video game/XBox/360/etc skills, or something to that effect.

What am I? A rolling practice console?? 

So after dozens of incidents where tiny little kidlet hands have grabbed onto my joystick without me knowing and driven me around like an old lady drunk on Jager, I’ve learned to hone some skills of my own. Oh yes. I call it the “Flip Off and Cover” method. Once I see their eyes gravitate toward my apparently tasty black “nipple,” I turn it off and hide the joystick in the crook of my elbow. Disaster averted, and then the kid must now find something else to entertain him/her for that 10 second interval.

Apparently there really is “joy” in handling the “stick” afterall. After 14 years of using one, I guess I’ve forgotten there was a novelty about it. Bizarre…

– Tiff

  1. hey baby gimmie that nipple ha ha, yeah i’ve had to slap a few kids from my chair time to time, never thought much of it till now but luv your take on it:)

  2. electric nipples!!!

  3. ouch frosty maybe like a DQ cone-lol nipplecones mmmm

  4. my guy friends/boyfriends are like that with my hand controls! “oh, wow, can i drive it? it’s like a video game!” i can not tell you how many times my ex almost crashed my car because he wanted to “play the video game” drunk and/or high on something!

  5. oraija, next time a mom asks you that, tell them you charge $20/kid.

  6. sharon,your male friends sound a lot like the guys i grew up with.

  7. i’ve had kids grab it so hard that i go no where. i looks like they’re going to break the thing off.

    mother’s asked you to give rides?! that’s crazy. i’d say,”lady, that’s like me asking you for a piggy back ride- not going to happen!”

  8. ah, yes, the guys you GREW UP with…what does that say about the guys i know NOW?

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